in between folders
so many of them
from knowing nothing to knowing everything
needing to find ways to place all this knowledge
in between my fingers and the cracks in my brain
the cracks of my heart
filling all the hurt with this sweet healing flow
to know that to heal is to hurt all over again
seeing life with kind eyes exposes it all
everywhere all the time, and it's important
not to wear it all like a blanket
it needs to seep in your skin
to coat and soften all the violence and anger
that is not truly mine - that i have borrowed
that i decorate myself with to the taste of others
there is so much deconstructing to do
and i have a tough build that i worked hard and slow to construct
so the idea is to let go of rusty nails while keeping the structure
to coat them with the sweet honey that exists everywhere
realizing all the hurt is because i wish it was all better
all of it - all of us
and it does rest on my shoulder to make it better
to take all my violence and give it grace
to shape it as i want
to give it a nice scarf and a new pair of boots
to tell it it's beautiful and it belongs somewhere
that we can grow together - welcome girl,
i want to learn everything about you
how you came to be and why you stayed
i want to love you so hard and true